Mark and I just finished our weekly you tube video,discussing the experience the first time and the final stages of our addiction.
I always compare my addiction to his and to my surprisethere were some real standout similarities…
Both of us had an initial early experience with a milderdrug or different type pf gambling, both were around an older group who took part,both felt like men and as if we were entering a man’s world, it was sociableand we felt part of something. Dare I say it was fun…
In fact if you only heard our first experience you may wellthink about going trying the things we did, it sounded fun, social andharmless.
Yes there is many a story in the middle, years ofprogression and stand out moments but they were all a part of the journey intofull blown addiction. The details of who we were with, situations we gotourselves into and the increasing frequency and volume are not the importantpoints to make.
Where it ended, how it had changed and how we felt are thebits people need to hear!
For mark he was suicidal, he had given up, his gambling hadbecome a cross to bear, in his own words he didn’t even care about winning. He wasnot enjoying a single second, the money had become irrelevant and his life,decision making and mind was focussed only on the next bet. Mark felt like he couldn’tgo on and as though he had gone insane. He had ostracised himself from friendsand family, had become a con man and was looking over his shoulder constantly.
With me I hadn’t used socially for a long time, I couldn’t getthe feeling I needed, the volumes had become life threatening and I was a mess.Lying, cheating and using had gotten too much. I hated myself, the physicaleffects didn’t scare me they had become routine and I figured if I died it wasbetter or easier than telling everyone I had a problem and dealing with theconsequence… I couldn’t stop, I was having psychosis and was tired of being me.
What started out as fun, sociable and this feeling ofgrowing up and being men had turned into a nightmare.
Many people particularly young people will be consideringexperimenting and in all honesty most people will escape their first time intact and maybe even thinking it was fun. But please don’t be short sighted,look at the long term and the reality of where it could end. The two of us didn’tchoose this, we didn’t think I want to ruin my life, mental and physical healthbut it happened.
You don’t need to go to the places mark and I did and you don’thave to experiment – WHYSUP!